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I had felt that formy ex-wife intensely but when I would ask you questions about it youalways answered in a way that made me think, 'no, no he doesn't...nderstand.'"I looked at my feet. I realized now that I had been lying to myself foryears about my own feelings. "You may be right. I think that I didn'treally know what love was. I thought it was something like friendship,plus commitment... but it's not." No, I can be friends with anyone. Love makes you think about someoneconstantly and want to. Unfortunately, as gentle as I was the contact was enough to disturb my sister and she shifted slightly where she lay before cracking open one eye."Is it morning already?" she asked."Yes," I said."Mmph, sorry. Didn't mean to stay here all night. Told you not to let me fall asleep though."I shrugged. "It's okay, I don't mind."Monica rolled over off of my lap, still wrapped in my blanket but allowing me to move from what had become a somewhat uncomfortable position."I think I like your bed better,. And even as enamored as I was, I could see the sea of red flags everywhere. The whole premise smacked of a bad idea. But despite all that, even nervous as I was… somehow I had never been so sure of anything in my entire life. I knew, in some unexplainable, irrational part of my core, that this was right. She was right. We were right. I don’t think even today I can properly explain how I was so certain. It was just an instinctual feeling, and I felt it so strongly, I was willing to risk all that. I was one of her pall bearers, along with two of her grandsons from her adopted daughter. She had come to terms with CeCe, never loving her like Amy but giving her guarded friendship. Our daughter and Amy rode in the family limo while CeCe and I followed. In the will I was left ‘all the love she could give me’ which was more precious to me than money. She gave Amy the jewelry that Joanne left her years ago, and a small amount of money to be ‘spent foolishly’, preferably stuffing thongs. Barbie.
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